One night I was part of a rare and mean dream. I dream about resentment between me and Ninna ( wife and life partner ). I was not happy with the way she was relating our relationship with others. I was extra ordinarily impatient with her behavior, and she was also responding by being totally unconcerned of my sensitivities. There seemed no end to this verbal play of words and anguish on both sides. The drama was essentially played between us and other participants, were either adding fuel to the fire or being mere spectators, suggesting that they were silently enjoying the show. I was in the thick of things and loosing my nerve, till the moment I was woken up from the dream by my Master.
The dream was reflective of the differences between my and her character or qualities. Ninna is frankly honest and communicative with people, where as I prefer to maintain silence and provide information which might be asked or is just enough. Ninna’s communicative attitude had upset me on various earlier occasions in private and public settings. We had discussed it many times, and come to a conclusion that it was always better to speak optimal, not more and not very less.
We tend to waste a lot of energy in talking. While talking with other people there is flow of emotions, ideas, habits, thinking patterns , attitude and energy levels. You must have observed it by yourself, that after talking to negative sounding people, one also tends to think in similar line. And if you happen to talk with a positive sounding individual or group, then the energy levels in your body and mind tend to rise. Unless one is not sure about the person he or she is talking to, its always advisable to have an intelligent talk, which is short and to the point. Not to forget, that even intelligent talking is some times unhelpful, as it’s a bit pre-defined and may not get that extra piece of information which can make our life much more happier and connected. Nevertheless it’s important to be aware of the merits and demerits of these two approaches in dealing with people.
Good and bad tendencies or energies are present in the entire cosmos, they are part of an adult as well as the humanity in total. Every person in him or her has good and bad aspect. The only factor that makes difference between a positive person and a negative person is the attention or company of these latent tendencies. If a person lives in a positive environment, he or she develops latent positive tendencies into being, and if a person lives with negative sounding people, then he or she can only develop that aspect of his or her personality. In this respect we have to be careful, not to judge people or list them as positive or negative, but to understand that it’s the individual attention and specific environments that make them so and that the basic fabric and essence of human beings is one and common.
Until we reach to a point of enlightenment where no matter what our circumstances are and no matter what kind of people we live with, our inner being or self is never ruffled, we need to be careful and use the gift of discrimination.
In the past Ninna and I had discussed this issue many times. And after our lengthy discussions, Ninna always confessed that she felt less happier and her energy levels fell on the days she met different people and interacted freely. However, the point was how does she put her own assessment of things into informed choice and as changed behavior.
Change in behavior and thinking patterns have to be addressed at various levels.
Habits and thinking patterns which relate to outer personality and habits and qualities which relate to the inner personality.
Behavior change is comparatively easier for habits which are part of our outer personality, i.e. or habits or ways which we cultivate not very early in life for example, waking early in the morning, being a vegetarian or non-vegetarian, certain manners and ways of conducting .
Behavior change for habits or qualities which are part of inner personality are due to deep impressions and patterns which we are born with and acquire in the formative period of our life’s. A combination of inner transformation and will power is required for change in habits and qualities relating to our inner personality. We also require a great level of understanding, patience and acceptance for the inner transformation to happen both at individuals and observer level.
After a while of our relationship, I had come to terms with Ninna’s approach to relate with people. The argument I gave to convince myself, was that all thorough we all come from a common source of intelligence or consciousness on the physical plane, not two people are or can be the same. As my intrinsic quality is to be quite, so is her quality to be communicative. With out the silence, I i won’t be I i and with out talking Ninna won’t be Ninna.
Do I want a change in her because I don’t have capacity to absorb the deviation from what I think is good behavior or being? Would I like Ninna to put a mask on herself? Do I i like her because of what she is or what I want her to be? If I feel good to be what I am, then I should also feel good about the way Ninna is?
The law of opposites worked well with us when we first met. I was the introvert being with a few close friends while she was the extrovert person with great social network. But why does the same law of opposites which brought us together, work differently after getting married or living together for some years? Addressing this question is essential not only for us but also for numerous couples who find them selves in the same situation.
We have to understand that any thing of the mind and senses has a life period and a certain pattern of existence. It originates, sustains and self-destroys in due course of time. These qualities are intrinsic to the mind and senses as water is to the ocean. The images the mind and senses create of your partner, are the images which have an automatic life period, after which the imagine is self-destroyed to create a new image.
Over time past images of happiness vanish and new imagines of the same arise. This gives us the discontentment with the present. But are we the imagines that our mind creates or are we some thing that watched these imagines, identifies with them and tries to be them? When we fully identify with an image of the mind, the ego is born.
It might be that Ninna’s image of me and mine of her has been destroyed already. But am I the image Ninna’s mind created and is Ninna the image my mind created of her when we first met? We are two beings who have arisen from one blissful source, and that is why all the time we seek; the same bliss even on the physical plane. But on physical plane to be in bliss requires that we connect with the inner heart or call of the self, and identify less with the fancies and jugglery of the mind.
We listen to the mind constantly, as we cant differentiate clearly, what is of the mind and what is the voice or the urge of the Self or inner heart. Lack of clarity on this front, means that we keep chasing one image after another. With the hope that we will find lasting happiness, fulfillment and satisfaction. All though mind seeks happiness, it relies heavily on senses, memory, emotions and intellect for acquiring it. The mind is incapable to hear the language of the inner heart. In which is decoded the love and completeness of our being.
I thought I had well applied all my external faculties and knowledge to resolve this issue ( conflict between me and Ninna) on all levels of existence. However, what dreams revealed, that at the subconscious state, the conflict still remained.
What was it that was stopping me from ending this conflict completely? I am convinced of the intrinsic diversity of creation and beings, why then still can I not wholly absorb this non-conformity with my will?
There is some thing is me ( us) which almost automatically reacts to situations and people when confronted with patterns which are different to the ways we think , believe or perceive. This reaction is at the core of our being and at the core of our manifestation.
Can we live in this world and yet be like air which does not reflect any thing. On the contrary it only conducts or carries out the will of great drama of creation with uttermost surrender, happiness and tranquility.
“The answer lies in the search within, about our real self, and our true identity,” my Master blissfully said.” If we can be in complete harmony with our self, we can be in complete harmony with every being and thing of this world!” he further added. Complete harmony is the state of absolute dissolution of the ego into the ocean of unmanifested bliss.
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